Wrong Direction: when bad interview questions happen to good people

“Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.” – Voltaire

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During a recent radio appearance, Zayn Malik of One Direction “fame” (being apparently one of the “other” One Direction members ie not Harry Styles), refused a list of interview questions via his PR rep, leading the interviewer to cut the interview off before it began:

“Hi Zayn you’re a very busy guy. I want to talk to you but I can’t do that…no X Factor, no pranks….well that’s about going to do it. Thanks for taking the time to talk to us and continued success for the future.”

While I am, of course, devastated that I will now never know who Zayn’s celebrity crush is, I can understand his reluctance to face yet another who’s who of the “who cares” list of celebrity interview questions.

I am somewhat disappointed, however, that the interviewer could not muster the neurons to think up some original question ideas!

To help him out, I have compiled a list of backup celebrity interview questions for future such emergencies. However, since I cannot get onto Zayn for you, I shall interview myself instead.

(Feel free to share your answers to these questions also!)

 

YNU: So Carolyn, if I gave you an Elephant where would you hide it?

C: Well, I think the obvious place is Parliament: it would blend in with all the other elephants in the room…

YNU: What is the first thing you remember wanting to do with your life?

C: I wanted to be an architect, but then I found out you don’t get to keep all the houses you design.

YNU: What kitchen utensil would you be?

C: Hmmm… a vegetable peeler, so I get to see what’s going on below the surface of things…

YNU: Who is the person you trust most?

C: Myself – you never know what anyone else is really thinking!

YNU: What is the worst idea you ever had?

C: I once thought up “Pizza in a Jar” – the toppings would be layered in reverse order so you could spread them on the pizza from the base up… the only excuse I have is that I was 11 years old.

YNU: What was the first thing you ever got paid to do?

C: My sister and I used to make newspapers for our parents on weekends – a couple of times they gave us 20c for it. My (bossy) older sister was the Editor (naturally, she got to write all the stories) and I was Art Director (I was “allowed” to draw the pictures and word puzzles).

Non-parent payment, however, would have to be singing – I sang at a few weddings as a kid.

YNU: What is your life philosophy?

C: Have you noticed that “stressed” is “desserts” spelled backwards?!?

YNU: How much cash do you have on you?

C: $1.60… but $1 of that is my ‘trolley dollar’ for supermarket shopping… so I guess only really 60c. The most expensive thing I can do today is post a letter.

YNU: If you were a multi-millionaire, how much money would you be prepared to gamble?

C: I am cautious by nature, so $200 would be my limit no matter how rich I was!

YNU: Do you have a secret talent and what is it?

C: I am really good at picking plot endings in movies and TV shows. It diminishes my enjoyment, but I still get a kick out of it when I am (usually) right!

YNU: Which punctuation mark best describes you?

C: I would have to say a full stop – I like to have the last word.

And on that note…

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Wrong Direction: when bad interview questions happen to good people

  1. ljwpossum

    Given that we were tragically denied the life changing profundities Zayn would no doubt have shared during the aborted interview of no direction (importantly, how does a band who openly admits to having no direction achieve any level of success?) I have decided to bring it on myself answer the big question …. what is a Zayn?
    A quick Google glance has revealed that Zayn (pronounced ZANE for those playing at home) is the seventh letter of many consonant alphabet (semetic) languages originating in the middle east, including Phoenician, Aramaic, Hebrew Syriac, and the Arabic alphabet. The letter is called zayn and is written is several ways depending in its position in the word.
    Interestingly, it is also a masculine Arabic name which means “Beauty and Grace.” As it refers to inner not external beauty and grace or your ability to enter a room without falling over or eat dip without using your new shirt as a corn chip, the aborted interview means we will never know if Zayn of the singular direction possesses these qualities. It also refers to a young man or teenager who is dark haired, handsome and pretty much over confident and possessed with a cool charm.

    As a spoon who likes to stir the pot, I have always wanted to write a book with an elephant in it, I would definitely be an exclamation point and my secret talent (and community service) is eventising (creating events from the everyday) and I say to the author of this blog – you are a grown up – you should have more in your wallet than $1.60!

  2. Pop-Pooper

    YNU: So PoP_PooP, if I gave you an Elephant where would you hide it?
    P_P: Not in a room where it would likely to be ignored…
    YNU: What is the first thing you remember wanting to do with your life?
    P_P: I was 14 and wanted to get on with it.
    YNU: What kitchen utensil would you be?
    P_P: Wooden spoon
    YNU: Who is the person you trust most?
    P_P: My octopus – she’s a person – she is smart and telepathic
    YNU: What is the worst idea you ever had?
    P_P: Thinking I could follow a diet…
    YNU: What was the first thing you ever got paid to do?
    C: Hand over my tooth to Number 1 sibling [I am 3rd] for 5 cents – who promptly delivered a larger return on their investment.
    YNU: What is your life philosophy?
    P_P: Karma delivers when all else fails…
    YNU: How much cash do you have on you?
    P_P: None but lots invested in me….
    YNU: If you were a multi-millionaire, how much money would you be prepared to gamble?
    P_P: Not a gambler so I would invest sufficient money to cover all the squares in a lottery!
    YNU: Do you have a secret talent and what is it?
    P_P: Data miner Problem solver….just between you and I…
    YNU: Which punctuation mark best describes you?
    P_P: An Ampersand – it’s my shape entirely…

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